A symbolic birthday gift
On my birthday, I spotted this book “Fanfan” in the Emmaus village. It came to me naturally, the image immediately caught my eye among so many books searched by my friend. This is not the first time I have seen this image, I have a feeling of déjà vu. I know what it means to me, it’s telling me to let go or to come out of my chrysalis state. So when I found out the title of the book as well as the summary, I knew I had to pick it up because it reminded me so much of my twin flame.
Only nineteen, Alexandre Crusoe is determined to live in monogamous marital bliss. The example of his parents, relics of Paris’ swinging sixties, has convinced him that sexuality is the enemy of serenity so he becomes engaged to the charming and constant Laure de Chantebise. Then Alexandre meets Fanfan, who fills him with images that would alarm his local curate – and whom he immediately recognizes as the love of his life.
The idealistic Alexandre is unwilling to stoop to the betrayal of Laure, yet unable to forget his passion for Fanfan. Instead, he embarks upon an unusual, restrained, but seductive courtship – never foreseeing the response of the irrepressible Fanfan.
This image of a cage is open, but who feels like a prisoner? I have been out of that cage for months now so that I don’t let anyone stifle my love potential. But sometimes it saddens me to walk away from that cage because of the nostalgia of that first love of a lifetime. But I know I have to stay true to myself and always go to the people who fit me and love me for who I am.
A new look at this film
This book was made into a movie by the author himself. The only thing I remember from this old movie was the installation of the mirror by Alexander to spy on Fanfan without her knowledge. This shocked me terribly because for me it was clearly a violation of her privacy (even I found the scene in front of the mirror quite romantic). And then Alexander put a sleeping pill in her drink without her knowledge! So I found Alexandre’s behavior very cowardly and deceitful but fortunately Fanfan acted otherwise he is a man who is really not worth it! As a result, I quickly forgot about this movie because this romance did not make me dream at all. But as chance put on my way this book “Fanfan” (as the name of my stuffed animal) so I wanted to see this movie again.
Moreover I like the actress Sophie Marceau, I always liked her smile. I grew up with her through her unpretentious romantic comedy films, from “La Boum” to “LOL”, playing the role of a mother. Through her films, I have also grown and evolved.
I think that Sophie Marceau plays her character Fanfan wonderfully. I love her smile that lights up her face, she exudes joy of life. Passionate and full of life and she simply loves without a mask but she also has a character of fire, so it is not to be played with her! So I liked the way she took the bull by the horns.
Now I watched this film with the eyes of a woman in her forties with her life experiences. I could totally relate to Fanfan’s emotions. As a result, this movie spoke to me more now than in my past memories. So I’m going to share with you the scenes that I liked because they echoed what I felt with my twin flame.
The scenes I liked in the film
1. The slippers
The tone is very quickly set when Laure gave Alexander his Valentine’s Day gift. He discovers with surprise slippers. He was not at all excited by this, it was very dull and routine. And yet despite this, he had the right to a treat and his beautiful Laure is making efforts to put excitement and surprise in their couple but it seems not to work. Is the love still there? Then there are these moments of “excitement and surprise” that he lives with Fanfan without ever talking to her about Laure because this way he can indulge in the beginnings of love and complicity!
There is a strong chemistry between Alexandre and Fanfan. The love is present, it shows and it is in the air. I pity Laure who does everything to rekindle the flame of their couple but all her efforts are in vain. I could see that this is the end of their relationship but both are in denial. But who cares, Alexander wants security and passion by forcing these ladies to live a triangular relationship.
2. What to choose ? Love or friendship ?
As soon as Fanfan learned about Laure, she wanted Alexander to be honest about his feelings and make a choice. Of course, Alexandre denied his love for her, saying he was only friendly towards her. Fanfan was not fooled because she felt his desire, his love… So Alexandre answered her: “What’s the point of admitting to you that I love you if we end up like this couple!”
(When I saw Thierry L’Hermite, I immediately remembered the movie “The Zebra” that I liked! I had forgotten that the author had made a nod to his book which was made into a film by Jean Poiret).
I too have heard this kind of talk from my twin flame. It is better for my twin flame to stay with his wife, because who guarantees that it would be better with me? She is not going to take the risk of losing everything by choosing me! So I had the weakness of being his hidden mistress and being in a triangular relationship. I suffered a lot from this situation where I was, in the eyes of my relatives, an idiot in love. But I have no regrets because I gave myself to him body and soul. He made me live situations where I did not feel loved and respected. I betrayed myself by loving a man in this way.
3. The (fake) boyfriend
I really liked this scene in the train with her (fake) boyfriend. This scene confirms to me that it is impossible for me to be friends with my twin flame. I liked the words of this (fake) boyfriend towards Alexander who puts him in his place with a little warning slap:
“I know Fanfan has had a thing for you for a while, if I’m here on the train it’s because I want to make things clear between us, because Fanfan values your friendship. It would be nice if you stopped your little ambiguous games.”
And when her (fake) boyfriend went away, Alexander dared to lecture her. But she reminds him that she had to make a choice because she wasn’t going to spend her life waiting for him. She was right, wasn’t she?
Then Alexandre tells her “It’s over with Laure, the baby was a lie, it was a bluff”.
She did well to answer him: “Too late”.
I also had the feeling that I was at the disposal of my twin flame. She could leave and return as she pleased, to me and to her wife. And in the end, I felt like I was the spare tire while he couldn’t rekindle the flame in his relationship. So I was at the end of these toxic behaviors that did nothing good but shed crocodile tears until I found myself at the bottom of an abyss.
4. The reunion in front of the mirror
The mirror scene is romantic, erotic and moving! That mirror seems to be a barrier to their love. I love Fanfan’s words that resonated strongly with me!
“I need to feel your skin…to feel you inside me. Come now!” (of course he refuses to come when he’s just around the corner for fear of losing her)
“That’s what you want, to have the power…! It can’t work like that”.
“I’m at the end of my rope, Alexander, you’re on your own with your childhood, your worries, your dreams and if tomorrow at 10 o’clock you’re not here in my room, you’ll never see me again”.
She was right to give him an ultimatum to wake him up. I too have been on edge with my twin flame. That scene in the mirror gave me the impression that my twin flame lives on the other side of the mirror. He doesn’t want to join me in my reality because he prefers to stay in the virtual world without ever meeting me but hoping to find me by chance at the corner of a street. Chance is also a way for him not to say what he really wants, not to get wet. But we still need to know what he wants from our relationship. If he dreams of friendship, then I cannot offer him that, it will be without me because I will not betray myself.
5. Breakage of the mirror!
Alexander thought Fanfan was going to kill herself. And it’s funny to see Alexander’s thoughts flash before him at the thought of her being dead. It’s funny to see an image of Fanfan as a beautiful bride. Is this Alexander’s deepest desire? And suddenly Fanfan broke the mirror.
This mirror that seems to separate their love. I found that by breaking this mirror, Fanfan seems to have helped him break Alexander’s mental blocks.
Fanfan: “I will leave you every morning, you have the evening to seduce me again!”
Love is something to be maintained. It’s true, why not leave each other to better find each other, seduce each other again to slowly start discovering each other, reinventing each other, marveling, having fun, laughing and growing together?
From the movie to my twin flame reflection…
1. A childhood wound
Alexander is paralyzed by the idea of committing to Laure or Fanfan, even though he loves her. He has told Fanfan about his childhood wounds related to his parents’ unhealthy relationship to explain his rejection. It is the lack of self-love that leads him to be afraid of commitment: he is afraid of not being able to live up to what he would like to live with Fanfan and does not feel up to the constraints of daily life and to keep the flame alive in the long term! All this is obviously due to a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.
It is important to learn to love ourselves and to work on our childhood traumas and wounds, otherwise the word love will be associated with prison instead of freedom. Love is the essence of life, of all life. If our life is pitiful alone then don’t expect it to be wonderful by living it as a couple. It is therefore proof that we are responsible for our happiness but also for our unhappiness.
2. Destiny & Choice
I am a fan of Asian dramas where the notion of love destiny is constantly present! Fate pushes the future lovers to meet each other but they are the ones who decide if they want to have a beginning of relationship, often it starts with arguments, then friendship and finally love knocks at their door by magic. That’s why there is this notion of choice. This choice that starts with the protagonists giving a chance to a beginning of a relationship, then letting the relationship become what it should be. Life will take care of it, whether it is friendship or love or just acquaintance! So I look forward to the fateful moment when the man would choose her! That’s what’s romantic, he chose her among all the women on earth. It’s her and no one else. That’s why I love watching dramas so much, it’s to discover this magic moment of this famous choice!
With my twin flame, I felt like a drama heroine with its synchronicities and twists and turns living a beautiful friendship and later feeling the Divine Love. But all this bubble collapsed when my twin flame did not choose me although I did. It was the shock of the illusion! So our kingdom of tenderness came to an end. The romance ended. I left the world of illusion.
3. The Karpman triangle
I believe in destiny because my encounter with my twin flame is proof of an inexplicable higher force. It is clearly not something to wait for but to accomplish by making choices. I made choices by trying not to get caught up in the intense emotions of a past life. Then once I became aware of and digested this twin flame link, life returned, fortunately, to normality.
And there I saw that my twin flame was ultimately like all those Alexander’s. Unfortunately this kind of dramatic love triangle is played out in other homes and not only in twin flame relationships. This triangular relationship is the Karpman triangle (Victim, Executioner, Savior). Basically, I always have the possibility to stop suffering in this relationship. In every relationship, there is this notion of choice. I have the power to feel better. I don’t have to suffer this “Twin Flame fate” and even less to let fate decide for me while waiting for the solution to fall from the sky. That’s when I understood more the meaning of the words “Fate” and “having Faith”. They are two different things.
4. Being authentic
I have learned to love myself more from the inside out because of the trials I am currently going through and have been going through for months. I feel more authentic than ever and I don’t hesitate to show others my ups and downs and my struggles. I am not complaining about my life because I am so grateful for my 100 day challenges and what I have been able to accomplish in my life. I am worthy of loving and being loved. I am deserving of life’s gifts.
I have found that my authenticity scares some people because I don’t expect anything from them, I don’t try to seduce them, nor take advantage of them, nor sell them a dream. All I want is to meet nice people, that they are healthy and sincere and for the rest I let life surprise me! My faith is present at this level, in this unknown and mysterious part of life!
What about you? Where are you in your relationships? Are they healthy and sincere or complicated?
An interesting article: the breadcrumb technique, do you know it?
If my personal reflection about my twin flame journey does not speak to you, I invite you to read the article by Alexis Faure/Change your perception The bread crumb technique, do you know it?