Learn to love yourself: STOP toxic relationships

I talked about toxic love here, now I share with you the keys to getting out of the emotional grip of a toxic person: it is about the work of self-esteem, healing the suffering of past, letting go and forgiveness. This is how I was able to say “Stop toxic relationships”. I felt like wings were growing on my back as if to prepare me to face any ordeal.

Of course, this is sometimes tiring and puts me in an extreme state of discouragement, but I assure you that if you come back to yourself, to self-love, you will very quickly regain your full power.

Increase your self-esteem

The free Ebook “The 5 bases for increasing your self-esteem” is available in the article “What attracts a manipulator”

During my 100-day challenge on my completeness, I chose Esther Valentin as my mentor to give me enough value to love myself and feel worthy of being loved. I discovered it on a video on his YouTube channel. His training “How to sustainably increase your self-esteem” made me want it for weeks. And then I finally decided because I had this desire to want to put an end to my relationships which tormented me a lot and monopolized my mind. This caused a lot of stress and had an impact on my well-being.

When I accessed my training, I was very surprised to see the small logo presenting a butterfly “Harmony & Well-being” in my private space. I felt reassured as if this confirmed the fact that I had indeed listened to my heart.

This training is really very good. I’m not disappointed at all. She teaches me how to live my life by asking myself the right questions, for example:

– Do I have the right to choose my own model of life? Is it easy or difficult for me?
– Do I have the right to express my feelings and opinions regardless of the feelings of others?

I really liked her approach. This is how I asked myself a series of questions:

– Do I have the right to say this without feeling guilty, dirty, badly considered?
– Do I have the right to do this and that without being reproached?
– Do I have the right to be angry, to be sad, to be vulnerable?

And above all, don’t forget, do I have the right to make mistakes? Of course you will have to accept these errors with kindness towards yourself. This is how we become responsible for our lives!

To remember and answer honestly:

Do I have the right…
Is it easy or difficult for me?

I was thus able to answer all my questions and doubts. Besides, I invite you to answer the questions above! The more I allowed myself to be happy by listening to my heart, the more I felt myself growing wings. Basically, I have this feeling that if an evil person wanted to push me to fall into the void, I wouldn’t be afraid because I can float with my little wings even if I wasn’t ready to fly yet. . The more I learned to increase my self-esteem, the more I saw that my relationship with my twin flame was not at all fulfilling and that our paths had to separate. My decision to break up was therefore a very difficult but beneficial decision to make.

How many tears does it take to drown a heartbreak?

Victor Hugo

Increasing your self-esteem allows you to make the right decisions for yourself and to experience the situation well in alignment with yourself. I was thus able to find inner calm and have restful and regenerating nights. I felt good. More than good. I wanted to realize myself and create beautiful things around me and within me. And that’s when butterflies came into my life! Here I am telling you about the incredible synchronicities that I experienced.

Coping with memories of past pain

After getting my love life in order and starting to enjoy this new life with butterflies, I thought I would have a calmer life emotionally. But no, another ordeal fell on me with the return of a toxic person from the past. Between you and me, I sincerely think that I would have been INCAPABLE of overcoming this news if I had not done the work on increasing my self-esteem (by Esther Valentin) beforehand. I saw that everything had meaning and in that moment I was not afraid. I didn’t feel alone because I know I am surrounded by reliable friends who I can count on if needed, in addition to being haunted by butterflies.

This new ordeal is not that new since this person has not changed and has always been toxic. But there, life ensured that I could assert myself in front of this same toxic person, to test myself, if I am still under the influence of this person. Because following my reconstruction, have I really regained my full power? really ? Would I be able to say “No” to him when he tramples on my personal values?

Protect ourselves by changing our way of thinking

• No one has the right to hurt us! No matter who he is, a mother, a father, a family member, a friend, a work colleague, a stranger, a twin flame, etc. We have the right to defend ourselves and say “no” if it does not suit us. It is important to set limits for ourselves.

– Insulting person: “Mind your ass, I do what I want, they’re my children!” »

– Stéphanie Dordain: I screamed in the cabin, no she wasn’t doing what she wanted, that these children had rights. It is not because they were minors that we can allow ourselves anything and everything, that they are abusive parents […]

• We do not reject the other (especially if love is there – for example if it is a family member), we detach ourselves in order to free ourselves from a person who suffocates us, limits us and weighs us down in our daily.

• If no dialogue is possible, we protect ourselves by distancing ourselves so as not to diminish our self-confidence. While waiting for the situation to calm down, we continue to take care of ourselves and the solution will come to us in a clear and thoughtful way.

• We are not afraid to cut things off if necessary and of course reconnect when the relationship has become healthier. We do not deserve to experience the anger, pressure, and venom of the toxic person.

What are the solutions to get out of a toxic relationship?

1) Esther Valentin’s videos

• 5 actions to do when faced with a toxic person
• How to get out of a toxic relationship? 3 steps to move forward! (Awareness, Take back your power and Take action)
• Why does the narcissistic pervert not want to let go of his victim?

2) Other interesting links:

• The perverse-narcissique site: www.pervers-narcissique.com
• Psychological violence, how to identify and combat it?
• Moral harassment after divorce: how to defend against it?

I read this article “Moral harassment and violence after the separation of the couple”, it allowed me to understand the approach of a toxic person. I found myself completely within the lines. I strongly urge you to read it.

3) Call on an ethics coach specialized in moral harassment

I invite you to browse Sophie Soria-Glo’s website, the new ethical coaching.

If you are in legal proceedings, I invite you to watch his videos:

• The video Building your case against a narcissistic pervert
• The video Responding to the conclusions of the lawyer of the narcissistic pervert

4) Respect yourself and position yourself!

What place do these toxic people have in my life?

I give them the place they deserve based on their bad actions and behavior: I do not carry them in my heart. Don’t we say that actions define who we are. In addition, they dare to protest that it is not normal or right for me to feel antipathy and demand respect. Besides, this toxic person criticized me for not being an evolved person because I didn’t respect him. For me it’s normal not to welcome people who have done us a lot of harm with open arms. Logical no? I’m not going to turn the other cheek. Toxic people tend to forget that they sow what they reap. I quite like the words of my best friend who likes to tell me “No one will make me a second asshole!” »

The law of the mirror

What helped me a lot in letting go was realizing to what extent the slander I have from toxic people is a reflection of what they blame themselves for. Knowing this allowed me to take a fresh look at my values and learn to manage my emotions in the face of false and unjustified reproaches and attacks. Thanks to my therapy, I realized that I have no power over anyone and therefore there will always be aggressive people in life, and that I am capable of being happy despite their presence. A toxic person has free will: he can say bad things about me as much as he wants, in front of me and behind my back. It’s up to me not to make my happiness depend on the bad behavior of others.

5) Take back your full power

Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny.

Ghandhi

Exiting the Karpman triangle

For me, I noticed that in life we encounter two types of toxic people and we can be toxic for ourselves too:

• The CON (we’re always someone’s idiot because we can’t please everyone)

• The nice but stupid one!

You will quickly understand from my example:

It was during my divorce, my best friend angrily told me “You’re such an idiot!” “. He insulted me for the first time because he suffered for me, helpless because I was in the position of victim in the face of this toxic person who continued to devalue me all the time. He gave me a good shake and I could feel his love through his insult. I completely understand his frustration because no one can save us except ourselves. So who do you want to be? An idiot without questioning or a nice but idiot who doesn’t move his ass and gets fooled by everyone??

Don’t be that, be yourself! Love yourself and take action to no longer be the victim. I know it’s not going to be easy but try and time will be your friend!

I now understand how to get out of the Karpman triangle with increasing self-esteem, letting go and forgiveness! I am no longer in the position of victim, nor executioner nor savior. By leaving this schema, the word “Freedom” took on a whole new meaning for me, a real freedom. It made me want to realize my full potential and accomplish my life mission!

The end of Calimero syndrome

I felt that my life would never again be associated with Calimero syndrome. I felt liberated on the energetic level linked to my wounds of injustice, I felt transformed! I enjoy this new form of freedom! It’s funny, I thought I was free, but through this experience I understood that my freedom is strongly linked to forgiveness and letting go!

This is my life experience. Self-love is the key to all evil! Life will always remind you to love yourself first! To know yourself first and foremost, who you are! Forgive yourself for your moments of weakness for not knowing how to say no, and let go in the face of malicious people who make a lot of noise but you know what you are worth. Don’t let the venom get to you.